I am tired, but I am happy
I am not sure whats going to happen in the next few months, but I am not worried
I am busy saving, but I am also busy spending
I am thinking of all the blog posts I can do, but have hardly blogged at all this year
I am amazed at God, but shouldn't be
I am the biggest I have ever been, but I also feel beautiful
I am looking forward to a cosy home, but I am wanting to see the world
I used to hate Sundays, now I love them
I have spent years learning patience, but now I can't wait
I am in love

I am knackered!!

been doing some extra days at work this week so am back to that feeling-behind and not get getting anything done feeling :(

too tired to do anything the last two evenings, so have just curled up with dilly-dog and watched some good thrillers ... I've read some of my book (The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown) and dilly-dog didn't mind being a book rest either!


this would be my perfect summer outfit ....... if we had the perfect summer and if I was the perfect weight had reached my goal weight ;)
I LOVE cream lace dresses ... love love love ... I think I am just going to have to get one. I have a black one that I wore to my sis-in-laws hen party ... I love that one too :)

so here is a question ...
what the hell has happened to Nicks hair in CSI?
and why are there so many pips in raspberries? ... it can ruin a good smoothie

I was going to go into Hereford tomorrow and see the Queen ... but think I am too tired to cope with all the crowds and not sure we could find somewhere to park blaa blaa blaa ... pretty gutted as it was on my to do list for this year! but I guess I will have to find another way to see her!

I am cross with myself ... cross that all that hard work of the last few weeks seems wasted ... I am just eating crap and feeling fat ... I must get back on track with my diet ... it doesn't seem to take much for me to lose focus and lose the plot ... I know any of you who have been on a diet will know what I mean ... but its so frustrating ... I need to find 'the thing' that I tell myself to keep me on the straight and narrow ... the thing that I remember to help me say 'no'

I am away from home again this week and I know that doesn't help, but its no excuse for me to just 'not bother' with my diet ... I feel like I need to get my focus back on a few things ... to get back where I am meant to be ... back to me being me ... I know this sounds a bit cryptic ... but I can't really explain until I am there!

I need to go to bed earlier too!

If you had popped round this evening

... you could have joined me on the sofa where I have had a very lazy night watching movies from the 80's.

... you could have joined me for many cups of tea and got tangled in my crochet ... yes, I am making another blanket ...



... I would have told you that I am hoping to go to Edinburgh for a few days ... hopefully next week.

... you could have looked out on to our garden and seen the new raised beds at the end that we have for vegetables.

... I would have shown you that I had spent some of the day playing on my blog and widened it ........ what do you think?

... we could have looked at Pinterest together and been inspired by what we found.

... I would tell you that my mum has started painting again ... she has been working on an enchanted forest ... just had them made into greetings cards ...


... I would have offered you another cup of tea and hoped we could do it again.

This last few weeks haven't been great ... nothing bad has happened, but I have just not felt with it or able to feel like I was getting anything done ... I feel like I have lost focus and in a daze ... days drift by and I am not getting done what I want to get done. My diet that was going so well at the beginning of the year seems to be a lot of hard work to just go up a pound/down a pound since Easter. and all in all I have been feeling a little blue :(

On Monday night I decided I needed a break from dieting and would start again in a few weeks when I was in the right head-space ... so I duly went to Morrisons and stocked up on things I haven't eaten all year ... (well maybe I have had a few occasionally, but not all at once) ... things like bakewell tart, chocolate, white bread, honey-nut loops and crisps. So that was what I've eaten over the last couple of days ... not excessively ... not binging ... not a lot compared with some ... but you know what ... I feel horrid ... physically horrid ... after just 2 and a half days I feel sluggish (more than before!!)

I've also had headaches the last few days .... I guess I am not used to the sugar. And this morning I woke up and was trying to think of every way I could to get out of walking to town and back (which I do about 3 or 4 times a week ... its only half an hour each way) but this morning I looked up bus times and wished I had a car again. I could have got the bus and if I was quick in town be back in less than an hour, but I didn't ... I walked ... and I am so glad that I did.


as soon as I stepped outside and felt the sunshine I knew it was a good choice ... it was so warm, my backache went and it was lovely ...


... I know I need to snap myself out of it ... I need to re-focus and start again. I haven't done any course work for the last week and my to-do list is not even getting looked at ... I need to get back on the diet-wagon and maybe make myself a time-table (or is that too much like school?? hehe) ... I need a big face-slap ... or maybe I need a holiday ;)


Sorry if this post is a bit of a ramble .. a bit of a moan ... its just me re-focusing and hopefully getting back on track!

Who are we? How do we see ourselves? Is that who we really are? What makes our identity? Is it what we love to do? Or is it who we are related too ... the daughter of so-and-so or the wife of thingamy-bob, or is it how many kids we have, the job we do, the illness we have, the car we drive, the clothes we wear or what we own ...... but are these things really us ... and are they how we want people to see us?
We are all more than just a few adjectives and can't just be pigeon-holed into one box.
There is also who we want to be ... that shapes how we see ourselves ... what we are not yet, or do not have yet ... but I think that is a negative way of looking at ourselves and our lives. We are all special ... we are all precious ... and we have value.

I think how we see ourselves is very important ... and how we present ourselves to the world and let them see us reflects back on how we end up feeling who we are. A lot of things influence our view of ourselves, but we need to look and see if they are honest views ... if they are true ...

I would describe myself as a dreaming artist still trying out different mediums to be creative in, while following an exciting path that is laid out before me. Looking out for beauty all along the way.

Its all about outlook ... be positive about yourself ... you are worth it ... you are more  than what you think you are ... more than what you have achieved ... more than how you think others see you ... you can be all you dream ... stretch your wings and believe x

I don't usually blog about bad days ... I don't like to dwell on them, I want my blog to be a happy positive place. But we all get bad days ... days where we just want to cry for no reason and go back to bed (obviously often there is a reason, and we know why its a bad day) but sometimes we just feel blue. I felt like that today ... this morning was ok, but as the afternoon wore on I felt worse and worse ... and what did I do? I did what I haven't done for a very long time and ate some chocolate for emotional comfort ... I thought I would try the new Kit Kat Pop Choc ... so I did .... a whole packet ... they are very nice .... very very nice ....... but my poor body that isn't used to such delights anymore felt very sick after.
I did stop wanting to cry though!

I can think of a few reasons why I have been a little down, and I know they are not helped by some very late nights ... lots in fact .... like tonight ... I managed to get to bed just before midnight, but I am fighting sleep (why? I don't know ... I love sleep!)

........ Anyway enough rambling for tonight,
Goodnight, sleep well x

I remembered today how when I was younger I had such a feeling of destiny .... that the path of my life was laid out before me .... my life is so not what I thought it would be .... I wonder if I can get to there from here ....